Life Revisited

Midlife, memories, and the places that get under our skin

As we drew the first destination from a makeshift tombola we’d all thrown our summer holiday wishes into, my husband and I both prayed we wouldn’t be spending a week at a theme park, sweating in queues, forced to ride gut-churning rollercoasters. We’d let the kids have a say in the holiday planning now they’re older, but we were nervous all the same.

My daughter’s wish was plucked out for this year. England. We were miffed at first, as we spend at least a week in England each year anyway. But she explained this trip should be longer and different. So, we’re not doing our summer beach holiday at the grandparents’.

The requested itinerary was the Harry Potter studios, Stonehenge, the Tower of London and Brighton. Plus a visit to Nanny, Grandad and the cousins, of course.

Much of it is a revisit for me, and while sharing past experiences with my family, I’ve had a few realisations. My reminiscing is something they’ve largely been spared from because we live in a different country. However, places trigger memories and feelings.

This comes up frequently when working with clients and can be both positive and negative. A few examples I’ve encountered are:

• A client unable to walk past her former work building after burning out there.

• Avoiding venues after a breakup.

• Spending time in nature to reset.

• Visiting a specific place to rekindle a feeling.

We all have places we avoid, crave and that undo us.

For me, it’s been a bit of a mixed bag.

Wandering past a graduation crowd in Brighton had me all choked up. It wasn’t so much Brighton, as I didn’t study there, but more that promise of hope wrapped up in those graduation gowns. Then, days later, taking a train into London and stopping at the station I used to exit to get to my university made me think about what I had wanted from life and why I didn’t allow myself to go for it earlier.

I tried to make my recollections amusing to avoid boring my husband and kids to tears, but, on a more serious note, it made me think about why I picked those particular stories:

• The motorway tales were probably to let them know that I used to be way braver than I am now. I’m getting back into driving after my twenty-year break, but I’m far from spontaneously speeding off on a long trip on my own.

• The ones about working in London were to show them how ambitious and fun I used to be. My ambitions are no longer the suited, high-heeled type, and there’s no more hopping rides in rickshaws after a night out in said heels.

• The Surrey memories had something to do with a life that I started and could have been good, but I turned my back on. To be honest, the bits I enjoyed the most were meandering up and down the Thames from pub to pub; I’m not sure I ever had what it takes to fit in with the Surrey crowd.

There was a longing for how I once was and the potential I had. It all made me more thoughtful than I ever imagined. The holiday has been great, but I’ll need a moment, at some point, to bat all of this around in my head when we get home and are no longer spending every moment together.

I don’t want to overanalyse, but some of this might warrant a second look. After all, I prompt clients to delve deeper if information pops up that seems to be significant.

If a place makes us feel something, a memory, a pang, or a version of ourselves we’ve forgotten, there could be a clue there as to what we might want to include in our lives again or something we haven’t properly dealt with yet.

One of my favourite songs is In My Life by the Beatles. It’s about memories, time passing and love. Ultimately, for me, it’s about the love we have now taking precedence over past experiences. This trip turned out to be so much more than just a holiday for me. I got to share memories and make new ones with the people I love most. It made me remember those times when I was young, free and single, and the plans I had, in contrast to now and what I have.

I think twenty-year-old me would be happy with the choices I’ve made. She might wish I’d made some of them a little sooner, but then maybe I wouldn’t have been in the right place at the right time to have the family I have now or be able to write about all I have experienced getting here.

Midlife often shows us who we used to be and helps us become the version of ourselves that fits us now.

Our holiday is nearing an end now, and we’re summarising our best bits. We were impressed but a bit overwhelmed by London and shocked by some of the cruel stories we heard from the Tower. Dare we admit we were a little underwhelmed by Stonehenge 🫣 but fell in love with the nearby village where we stayed. We had a great time with family, and the one day we spent at a theme park came with a bonus: our youngest is finally tall enough to ride the rollercoasters without us. The hands-down winner was the Harry Potter experience, though, which was magical 😉.

We’re all thinking about home now and happy to be returning soon. My husband showed a picture of our house and garden to a family friend who said, “Why would you go on holiday?” I think the answer to that question is to make memories in other places, reflect and appreciate what we have when we get back.

I’ve taken a bit of a break from offering up prompts and tips each week over the summer months. Sometimes all we need is to kick back and relax with a cocktail. I may have had a few. So, enjoy summer, wherever you’re spending it, and if a place gets under your skin, it might just be nudging you to think about what comes next.